i am here to post everyting i have for u

y i nber sae alll this to u before
becos
when i am sad
and when its becos of u
i dun feel like telling u
as
aft i tell u
in the end
i wil be the one ending up consoling u
den in the end
my prob isnt solve aniway
so i would rather kip it to myself
but now
i realise tat i cant take it animore
i have to sae everyting tat i wan to sae out
i dun mean to hurt u
jus wan u to noe wat i feel all along

honestly tell u
i dun feel love at tymz
i tink u shld noe cos i told u yest

y is it so
even though u sae u love me thru sms and testi and etc
but u nber tel me face to face
u nber once sae "i love u" to me face to face
nber once hug me
nber once kiss me
i duno wat to do
it has been 4 mth
u noe
u ask me to wait
u sae u aint prepare to sae
and ya
u noe wat i feel
---
but how long must i wait
i nid sumting to let me move on
i felt so lost
i didnt feel acknowledged
although i noe u already did alot for me compare to ur pass bf
but
i just didnt get the feeling
mayb i am greedy
i appreciate wat u done for ne
everyting
but i realli nid more

u say u envy how other bf treat thier gf
me too envy how other gf treat their bf
and alot
how they hug thier bf automatically
saeing i luv u
and calling them names
and everyting
and when we are eating
how i wish u will feed me automatically and ask me if i wan
but
out of so mani tyms
how mani tym did u ask me
its not abt the food
its the feeling

and when i am sick
u sae u r worry
but
u didnt do aniting
yest
u have ur cca outing
i asked u
if i ask u to acc me go see doc
will u dun go to ur cca
u ans me
its ur responsibility and the tings are already bought
so u would go for it no matter wat and if there is a nid
u will leave earli and pei me
and ya
from tis
i know how much i meant to u
u noe how sad am i when i see ur msg
once u sae
i am in priority compare to mani tings
but
during twice of our mth anii
u can oni meet me late beocs of ur cca
and yest
becos of ur cca responsibility
u replied me tat
wat can i sae
i felt tat i am nothing u noe
NOTHING!
u sae u will leave earli if there is a nid
yest
my fever was 38.8 with flu and cough
tat isnt aniting
den must u wait for me to die
den u will leave earli?
i duno
tis cum to mind when i saw ur msg
and aft i tell u how i feel yest
in the end
u kip reply me and sae
now u noe wat i feel
now u noe wat i feel
are u jus pushing the blame to me
in the end
i nid to end up comforting and consoling u
and ya
did i feel aniting better
i tink no
i just feel fake
i jus feel disgusted
i duno
wat can i do
i cant let my self to dun care u
i cant bare to do tat

and everytym
u hav tings in ur mind
u jus dun wan to sae
wat r u trying to be
why cant u jus tell me
u tink telling me mak me sad or angry
but dun u noe
when u dun wan to tell me
i too will feel sad irritated and frustrated
how mani tym hav tis happeneD?
cant u jus sae watever u wan out
leave all ur complain to me
i noe i am not gud
i am lousy
mani tyms
i didnt sae anitng
but
i reali cant take it animore
and everytym
when i go out with u
when u hav tings in ur mind
u wil kip quiet and show me a face
ask u ting
u will sae nth
ya as if
u noe it is so irritated
i would rather u jus tell me wat happen
and rather u kip quiet

and when i am complainin abt my bro
can u jus show me sum support and stand in my side
everytym i complained to u
u would sae and end up to becum it is as if its my fault again
i duno
as i posted earlier on
when i hav no one to call
i caled u
i end up feeling to cry more
dun u hav aniting to tell me
i felt so lonely
i felt so alone
can u giv me some consolation like boi pls dun be sad
u nber ever call me boi or dear or aniting
i feel nth
i dunnno
sumtyms i wonder
do i hav a gf

and when cumin to our mth ani
when i show u the tings i made for u
u nber show ur happiness or aniting
nber sae aniting
not even a thank u
u noe how much i feel
its terrible
u noe
when i make for u the video
aft i let u see
i tought u would at least sae thank u or feel hapi or etc
but
in the end
u didint sae anting
ya
u noe
how i feel
although i nber sae it out
i cried on the wae back
how terrible i few
u will owaes msg me aft tat and sae thank u
and u luv me
and ya
wat is the use
its over
and its so fake
i nid sumting real
sumtings i was tinkin
y am i doin so much for u
when i get back so little
i jus tell myself becos i luv u
and i kip telling myself
things wil change and becum better
but
aft 4 mth
nth improved
and when its our 3rd mth
u sae u planned a surprise for me for our 4th mth
is ur surprise the pillow?
i appreciate tat
i like tat
but i dun tink it is ani of a big surprise to me
i jus feel dissapointed
very
and ya
wher is the 10smses?
it has been abt 2mth tat i waited
but
no sight of it
and u sae u would sing for me when we go ktv the next tym
how mani next tym hav pass
i know it had been hard for u
so i hav stop forcing u
but
i dunno
wats there to be shy infront of ur bf

and everytym i see ur blog
i jus feel sad
everytym u do posting
i am oni like a smal smal part
while ur fren
so big
i dun appear in aniwae of ur blog
haix

and whenever u tell me ur mama and aunty sae abt me
like u kip mentioning tat
its oni like oni hapeened once
but why i kip hearing tat same ting
tat incidente wher i didt send u home when we eat til so late
did u explain to them
is not becos i dun wan to send u
i hav told u the reason already
i dun wish ur relative to hav any negative impression abt me
but
wat can i do
they jus see the ugly me
and everytym dey complain to u or sae abt u
u wil be sad
when u tell me tat
i also feel bad and sad
how i wish i can be so perfect tat u and ur relative can be hapi abt me

and i tink ur studies is much much impt than me
when i hav prob
i dun even dare to sms u and tell u
i noe u will be wanting to concentrate on ur studies
but
u noe how miserable i am
i hav no one to tok to
my bro father my grandma and my whole family sux
and i dun hav ani others for me to tok to
at first i would approach amy
but she wil jus tell me to relax
i reali dun wat to do
i jus felt left alone
realli i am alone

i dun like to go home
dun like to face all the naggings socldings and al the nonsense that happen in my hse
realli
but i hav no one to go out with
except for the bunch of frens who chase idols
i tink tat may be oso a reason why i owaes go to mcs ba
i dun hav other palce to go to
no palce for me to hide

i noe i should tolerate all this
i noe guys shld comfort and console gal more
but i oso nid sum encouragement


i noe
u did alot for me
like u wil auto hold my hand
sumtyms u wil wait for me to go home before u slp and eetc
all this i aprreaciate
i am hapi
but
mayb i tink i hav put in too much
tats y i ask for the same amt or mayb more
or mayb
i am jus a person like to complain and tink too much
and think tat i hav put in alot and u hav not
i noe u hav alot to complain abt me too
u can sae everyting out too
and i hope so
i noe i am not a gud bf
i noe u aint hapi when i go home too late
or when i go and see those shows
and when i skip classes
all this i noe
and ya
wat more u wan to sae
all this
all u dun wan to tell me
owaes kip inside ur self
i duno
aft i sae all the above
wat will we stil be
i duno
wat i wan to sae is
i realli love u
from the start til now
i will let u decide
wat wil we be
i nid ur reply
i dun mean to hurt u
this is just my feeling all this while

last but not least
i nid to sae
u realli given me sum wonderful tyms and sumtyms when i reali feel hapi and luved
thanks