it has been long tym since i did that
all by myself
along the journey
the quiet yet long journey
mind swirl

what would i be if i love myself more
if i have more confident
if i

the list goes on
it is always pointing out the negative and yet doing nth to turn them into positive
what am i
someone living in his own little dark world
alwaes filled himself with emo times and negative thoughts
when will i learn and when will i change

its not my fault to be short
its not my fault to be fat
its not my fault to be pimpled face
its not my fault to be not tat man
its not my fault to do what i am doing now

but still
the responsibility fall on me

ever knew a young boy who
dun dare to shit inside a public toilet
fear of being laughed and looked at by others

ever knew a young boy who
avoid the popular buses that are alwaes crowded with good looking and trendy youngsters
fear of being looked down and dispise by others

ever knew a young boy who
sticks closely to his grandma and dun dare to speak out loud for his own opinions
fear of being scolded by others

ever knew a young boy who
face down the floor while walking on the road
fear of making eye contacts with others

ever knew a young boy who
lacks of confident and courage
fear of whatever and whatever

how can such a young boy turn up to be someone that ppl admire and dares to admire someone directly and openly
with a negative childhood
he grow up with fear over his shadow of the past
nber he understand the feeling of true happiness when he is alone
frens is who he can seek his comfort from
only with frens he feel the sense of belongingness and confident
once he found someone he can share his happiness with
someone that he love
but he let it go
without much thinking
and he is left with nth of that sort now
no more love of giving and taking

how much can he share with his frens
how long can he spend with his frens
every one have their own life to live
have thier own problem to face and solve
yes it is good to share with frens
he know
neither did he take the step to share everything and every thought
nor he approaches anyone
but why
no body know including himself

and now
he is someone living in memories
he is someone that bring happiness to frens ard him
he is someone that
put up a fake front
who is still lack of confident
who depise himself
who dun have the courage to love
who dun have the pride to face a girl up front

when will he live a happy life
when will he get free of his shadow
when will he ever face his own feelings

nber did he know till the day he is gone

rmb a quest he asked his fren today during lunch
whats the best wae that can relieve him without any pain and hassle
an answer he will seek
and try when he has the courage
silently and peacefully he hope
who will be the last one that he miss and recall
the ans will be the 2 women he love most till now

tears came when he narrates his stories
he is listening
listening to his stories singing out by people thru songs
miserable songs

when will he learn

aft today
he will still be someone cheerful
but inner soul remain
silent remain
tinkings remain
it goes on and on

he is feeling miserable

there he goes
trying hard to find his happiness
he will success when his mind turns blank and empty
it may be when he seek _______

life carry on as for now

he tell himself to be strong
he tell himself everything will be fine
he tell himself he will be alright
he tell himself emo time will pass
he tell himself all sort of rubbish to comfort himself

the stories end
the longest story he had ever said
the deepest feeling he had ever said

"no worries my fren" he said


he hate himself