i am feeling damn frustrated
feel like blogging
but yet now that i duno wat to blog or where to start frm
cos i have too much to complain and let out

my life is in a mess now
my house is in a mess now
my family is in a mess now
my mind is in a mess now
my clothes are in a mess now
everything is in a mess now

my clothes are hanging everywhere around me
i dun have a proper place to keep them
my cupboard spoiled
and its full
i wanted to buy a new one
but yet looking around i cant find a place to put it if i buy one
and i dun even have the mny to afford one now
but i dun like to see my clothes hanging ard
they are all crumpled and smells as they are not kept in a proper place
i feel like throwing them awae
all are new
but aft my father washes them
they turned old and disgusting
everytime i tidy up my clothes and things he will anihow hang and put the dried clothes
cant he be more sensible
i dun see he treat his own ting in this bloody irritating way
why cant he respect my tings
i duno wat to say abt him
cant he be more supportive
always grumbling
always that mad
always purposely want to make my fucking brother angry and quarrel will start
serve both of them rite
is this a proper house or even call a family
i doubt
if i have a the money
i will move out
i rather leave and lead my own life
i dun wan to stay in this bloody idiot place
i hate this way of living
i had enuf
for 20years
i have been here
not moving aniwae
cant life be more bright for me?
or it is only me?
i felt that my life sux
there are always so so mani problem
feeling frustrated when i am at home
not even a single corner make me happi
ITS IN A MESS
I AM IN A MESS
LIFE IS IN A MESS

i nid a proper job too
cant see where this job can bring me to
simply too much break
it cant support me financially
its tiring
the job make me feel that i am suspicious everytime i work
i dun feel secure
dun feel at peace at all
if not for the commitment that i said i will take
i will have quit this job already
thanks tat ther are still jan and shan
if not
i duno how am i going to take this

i am financially tight
so mani bills and payment to settle
they are squeezing me dry
no more shake aft this last bottle
i will not take them anymore
more mny needed to settle the 535 facial treatment
handphone bills
daily expenses
the price of getting a new cupboard
transport expenses
my lappy is dying and makes me more frustrated even more when i cant afford a new one now
evertin is squeezing me dry

my mind is exploding
i have so so much to complain
i duno wat am i typing to
mayb it make no sense to everyone
but jus needed a place for me to speak everytin out

i hate my life
i hate myself

where am i leading to

it has been long tym since i did that
all by myself
along the journey
the quiet yet long journey
mind swirl

what would i be if i love myself more
if i have more confident
if i

the list goes on
it is always pointing out the negative and yet doing nth to turn them into positive
what am i
someone living in his own little dark world
alwaes filled himself with emo times and negative thoughts
when will i learn and when will i change

its not my fault to be short
its not my fault to be fat
its not my fault to be pimpled face
its not my fault to be not tat man
its not my fault to do what i am doing now

but still
the responsibility fall on me

ever knew a young boy who
dun dare to shit inside a public toilet
fear of being laughed and looked at by others

ever knew a young boy who
avoid the popular buses that are alwaes crowded with good looking and trendy youngsters
fear of being looked down and dispise by others

ever knew a young boy who
sticks closely to his grandma and dun dare to speak out loud for his own opinions
fear of being scolded by others

ever knew a young boy who
face down the floor while walking on the road
fear of making eye contacts with others

ever knew a young boy who
lacks of confident and courage
fear of whatever and whatever

how can such a young boy turn up to be someone that ppl admire and dares to admire someone directly and openly
with a negative childhood
he grow up with fear over his shadow of the past
nber he understand the feeling of true happiness when he is alone
frens is who he can seek his comfort from
only with frens he feel the sense of belongingness and confident
once he found someone he can share his happiness with
someone that he love
but he let it go
without much thinking
and he is left with nth of that sort now
no more love of giving and taking

how much can he share with his frens
how long can he spend with his frens
every one have their own life to live
have thier own problem to face and solve
yes it is good to share with frens
he know
neither did he take the step to share everything and every thought
nor he approaches anyone
but why
no body know including himself

and now
he is someone living in memories
he is someone that bring happiness to frens ard him
he is someone that
put up a fake front
who is still lack of confident
who depise himself
who dun have the courage to love
who dun have the pride to face a girl up front

when will he live a happy life
when will he get free of his shadow
when will he ever face his own feelings

nber did he know till the day he is gone

rmb a quest he asked his fren today during lunch
whats the best wae that can relieve him without any pain and hassle
an answer he will seek
and try when he has the courage
silently and peacefully he hope
who will be the last one that he miss and recall
the ans will be the 2 women he love most till now

tears came when he narrates his stories
he is listening
listening to his stories singing out by people thru songs
miserable songs

when will he learn

aft today
he will still be someone cheerful
but inner soul remain
silent remain
tinkings remain
it goes on and on

he is feeling miserable

there he goes
trying hard to find his happiness
he will success when his mind turns blank and empty
it may be when he seek _______

life carry on as for now

he tell himself to be strong
he tell himself everything will be fine
he tell himself he will be alright
he tell himself emo time will pass
he tell himself all sort of rubbish to comfort himself

the stories end
the longest story he had ever said
the deepest feeling he had ever said

"no worries my fren" he said


he hate himself

Hi everyone...long time no update

the update starts...

just received the bomb todae
the long awaited one
-notice of enlistment-
and i was scheduled to report for enlistment on the Sept 13
not tat excited not tat sad just a wierd feeling that i duno how to describe
abt 5mths more for me to prepare myself for the task that all physically fit guy have to go through
i shall do my best to train up and work hard and prepare myself real hard
after reading the letter...thghts start to run thru my mind....alot of thinking done for the 5mths on what i nid to accomplish and stuff

at least they allow me to celebrate my birthdae before going into the camp
still quite thoughtful of them
so anione who see this
make sure u make my birthdae this year a wonderful one
haaa
u all shld noe who i am refering to
: ))

anyway
backed from the much anticipated taiwan trip
a so called graduation trip for me and also the clique
lasted for 12days and 11nights from 27March - 7April
tink it is long??
nah..its too short to satisfy me
haaaa
but still
it is wonderful i can say
enjoyed the whole trip, the food, the hotel stay, the walk, the clique, the companion and the everyting
everytin is so nice and good there
if i ever have a chance i will sure emigrate over there with my future family
but still...wish is still a wish
money is still a factor for wish to come thru
haaa
shall update more of the trip in future
but if you are curious and cant wait for the update
pls visit my friendster account to look at the fotos for the trip
as we say...picture paints a thousand word

as i over spent during the trip..have no choice but to work right after i came back from the trip
and currently working tgt with jan and shan in an small company
the job is bloody hell tiring i can say
me and shan have to walk from 10-5 with 1 hour break in between
walking under the sun is realli tiring and everydae i am smelly as i sweat like hell lot
and due to the dirty dust and air i have rashes on my feet and my arms
oh no what a job is this
but still
its good to work with frens that u noe and to gossip on the phone
its the joke and companionship that makes this job a not to bad job
without the 2 i tink i will quit aft the first day of work
haaaa

and
and and

sad news to me
i realised that my height dropped and my weight increased
thats not a very good piece of news for me
shall try hard to do something to my currently unsatisfied weight

graduation ceremony of the 21May
3years of poly life just passed
lots of module
lots of tests
lots of laughter
lots of joy
lots of stress
lots of memory
lots of up and down
and most imptly
lots of companion from the clique
time realli flies
this marks the start of the new phrase of my life
wat shld i do next and wat will happen to me in the future?
we shall see

shall stop here
and will update real soon
cheers everyone

it have beeen real real long since i last blogged
i tink alot of people might think that i have already abandoned this blog
haaaaa
but nah..wont abandon it as it is once set up for a purpose and now it still hold as a memory source for me
memory-something that is deep down the heart or maybe the brain
fotos and songs bring back memories
and memories made me emo
and the feeling is of cos not very good

回忆渐渐凋谢落在我身边 唤不醒原来还跳动的画面 谁能发现我的世界 曾经有过你的脸

i have studied for like total of 13years (6years of primary sch, 4years of sec sch and 3years of poly)
time passes real fast, till now i still duno how i manage to even pass and get a diploma cert
with such a low standard in languages and like no info absord till now
all that i have studied have all threw back to all my teachers and lecturers
so now..i am empty minded looking for a new start
whats next?

Taiwan trip will be here soon
march 27 - april 7 (total of 12days and 11nights)..exciting huh
haaa
duno y i dun have that exciting feeling leh
rather worried and stress ya
mayb i am not ready for the trip
but still
shall enjoy the fullest out of this trip
since i am there with my bunch of wonderful poly clique
they are still the best
a source for me to throw in all my jokes and laughter
hope that the itinerary i planned for u all will be welcomed with positive comments wor
haaaa
the dae is coming soon and yet i am still undone with the planning of itinerary and haven started with my packing
oh no!!
no worries ..there is 1 full day tml and i hope i will be that hard working to stay focus on what i need to do
i hope i wont buy alot of stuff for this trip as i dun have space to keep them
so ya..lets see..i oni looked forward to buy back nice food wor
haaa
yummy yummy
but looking at my tummy and waist and my weight
oh no
thats terrible man
plus horrible
haaa

so what aft the taiwan trip
i hope i can get a part time job to earn some savings before i am enlisted
toking abt enlistment
the thought of tat is not veri positve yeah
althgh i tell myself that it will be fine and ok
but still...
i tink i will adapt once i go in ba
must realli get prepare le
physically and mentally
i must learnt
alot to catch up
i must tell myself not to be lazy animore
but still i alwaes say and there is no action
haixx
tats me
lazy bum
(what will i look like when i am bo tak?)
haaa

now is so "earli" le
and i am still here watching you tube
haaaa
命中注定我愛你 is so nice wor..must go watch ya
shall stop now and continue my show and get some slp
yesh some slp
taiwan i am coming!!!

love is never there for me
memories hurt but it do warm my heart
love is far from me

cheers

why do i bother ppl when ppl dun bother abt me
why do i date ppl when ppl dun even date me
why do i even care when ppl dun even care abt me
why do ppl have to bring the other half when going out with me
why do i care so much abt the surrounding
why do i care so much abt wat other ppl tink
why do i have no one to speak too abt my real thghts
why do i feel so restricted
why
why
why

there are so mani dissapointing why

hoHoho
Merry X'Mas
having fun and enjoying urself right now with ur love one??
haa
may all be blessed and stay happi for the years ahead!!

actualli also duno wat to post
but since i am free at home
shall post someting yeah

this x'mas is special to me
cos
1) no more at Orchard Road unlike the previous years
2) i stayed at home the whole day after i came back from work
3) received quite a bit of gifts from colleagues of mine
4) it's the loneliest christmas ever

its a long break for me
gotten off on last fri sat and sun
worked till 3pm today
gonna have off tommorrow and wed
shall see what i can do during the 2day off
erm..mayb portfolio, project, upload fotos or watever that i can find to keep me entertain : )
shall have a good rest and long slp too : )

2007 is coming to an end..hope the year ahead will be better for me and everyone around me : )
smilEx
once again - - -- - Merry X'mas and Happy New Year in Advance

sk2 have grow fat
instead of cutting down on weight
u realise that i have grown some weight/fats
tats so terrible
wat shld i do??
i tink i realli should double cut down my diet
be more constant and do more vigorous excerises
and i am goin for my army check up tml
ermmm
god bless me
hopE they dun suck too much precious blood of mine
and instead they should take my fats
haaaa
pray for me ok!! haaa
attachemnt will be cuming to an end soon
about 2 more mths??
and ya...meaning wat??
meaning tat portfolio nid to hand in already !!!
oh no...lol...
u ppl better start tinking ok
haa altghg i noe u all wont tink too much ya
haaa

and guess wat
saw jasmine and her mum and jan and ron todaY at ps
haaa
the world is so small
haaaa
and sweet jasmine mum leave me a very thoughful ending phrase :"tink u have grow fatter!"
tats so wonderful yeah
haaaaa
i shld buck down
haaa

and guys...celebrating for jeanie and jason???
it will be on the 8Dec....
names strike out will be : Peifen and Huimin
ppl kip in view : BeeeYan and HuiShan and Adel
ppl confirmed: sk, jeanie, jason and jasmine and amy

do update ya : ) )
and rmb ur E Journal which is due tis coming fRidaE!!

chEers
cya soon